this past week was my birthday. i haven't celebrated my birthday in two years. these years are the lost years that i hope to never repeat (actions-wise), but they do hold a well of learning lessons to continually draw from.
as such, this year, now that i feel like more of a functioning member of society again, i decided it was ok to talk about it and mention that yah, i like birthdays. let's celebrate.
my family is full of february babies. i think there's nearly 10 people in the course of 8 days that have birthdays. the mama texican, her twin, my cousin, my aunt, three cousins and myself and another cousin, the co-bro. phew.
a cute aside, the mama texican's bday is 7 days before mine. every year she says i was her favorite birthday present. i will never tire of hearing that. :)
here are the co-bro and i acting our shoe size, not our ages... 364 days and 2000 miles can't separate the silliness that connects us no matter where we are in the world.
thanks to meli and the bikey blog girl crew, they surprised the hell out of me on thursday night. i was very touched. thanks guys! :)
one thing i appreciate getting easier with each notch on the odometer is that one anniversary i thought would be inextricably linked to that day is getting less and less so. i guess i'm still processing over that, and thus so a myriad of song lyrics flooded my head, as is wont to do when i have trouble articulating precise thoughts. which happens often since i think i tend to feel feelings and not apply logic to them because, really, there's no point. does not compute.
anyway, i'll share just a few of those lyrics that have been in the rainy day mix that describe what i was thinking this past week:
and all i find are souvenirs from better times
before the gleam
of your taillights heading east
to find yourself a better life.
...when i stumbled upon pictures i tried to forget
and that's how this idea was drilled into my head
cause it's too important to stay the way its been
there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
and now that's it's gone
it's like it wasn't there at all
and here i rest where
disappointment and regret
lying awake at night."
-- title and registration, death cab for cutie
the "picture i stumbled upon" was a piece of writing as it were. i'll share just a bit:
i know i'm not alone in saying i'm so over this winter. i have to remind myself why i'm on this coast right now. i'm not sure if i can, but i close my eyes and admit i have one romantic winter antecdote.
so we just walk around (the village) holding hands cause we're cold and cause we can. then we stumble on many many an italian restaurant (and one southwestern joint) and decide on a little teeny italian place with a little gay boy couple in it. we order a mini bottle of spanish wine, eat amazing veggie italian and then leave quite a bit later. we make our way to magnolia bakery and get some birthday cupcakes. i was nicely surprised that they have candles there too! so we kiss in the bakery and [REDACTED] whispers, "happy birthday baby" in my ear. the bakery is a nice hideout from the cold; it's warmed by the ovens which fogs up the windows. so it's a little sexy being in there where it's warm, humid and surrounded by all the sweets. we bounce outside and kiss again, forgetting the temp is in the 20s. we catch a cab on a cobblestone street and snuggle while we race over the brooklyn bridge towards our apt. when a night like that happens, it's just magical to be in the city. corny? yes. but if you're in love, who's cares?
it's now more than 7 years later. those 5 years worth of anniversaries are on the east coast where they belong. i can look back and think about the good times and not have it necessarily be as emotionally taxing as it once was. thank god.
took a long time, but i'm glad it's here. it'll only get easier i suspect. as these things tend to turn out...
now on the west coast, there are no more snow filled februraries. instead, the sun is shining through my window, a natural alarm clock if i've ever had one. i'm wearing a tshirt waiting for friends to take a jog in one of the most beautiful city parks i've ever stepped foot in. life right now is good. and i'm so happy. if i could hug life, i think i would. since i can't, i'll just hug people instead cause it's fun being hugged back. ;)