22 December 2010

home sweet home

oh yes i am. time to drink in the accents and holiday moods.

time for family.

time to contemplate and strategize.

new year. 2010 has been a good one. can't wait for 2011 to be even better. :)

27 October 2010

and then...

and then i could have kept walking up and up and up and up forever, never noticing the landing i was on, never noticing where i was, never caring, just going up and up and up and away, far away from wherever i am now.

18 September 2010

dream show

so, this show happened in el lay awhile back that was pretty much one of my dream shows: pilar diaz opening up for aterciopelados. while i was able to see both of them recently, if separately, the combo of these two within the span of a few hours might have just blown my mind.

pilar posted a video up on her website. i believe it is a newish song of hers, but i might be mistaken. i first heard it at the show in SF, and there were people singing along. oh, those megafans ;)

13 September 2010

purikura adventures (SMFF)

in a couple of posts down i hinted at hanging out w/ rio and meli. so here's a video that rio made while we were creating our purikura pics. upon seeing the results, someone told me, i needed to take my "photoshop" away. NEVER!! heehee.


and to see the rest of the pics, please look here. and read about our SMFF time here.

ok.....time for me to think about something else now. kthx.

10 September 2010

9 years ago today

right now (well, time change makes it not quite exact) i was getting ready to get off of work and go out w/ the ex, the roommates, the co-workers, the friends.

got my first cell phone. a red nokia. oh hai, why do i have a crappy area code?

drank ourselves silly until 2 to 4 in the morning. i don't remember. it was a monday. we were in our early 20s.

ended up saving our friend's life. he was late to work on tuesday. good thing too because about 100 of his coworkers died that day. 103rd floor of the WTC. he was one of two boys from birmingham, england that worked in that building. the other one didn't make it.

PTSD is starting to set in. i feel it in the forearms. i hate this feeling. and tomorrow, tomorrow will feel like it was yesterday. as it has for the past 8 years. what a godawful horrible horrible day that was.

and the day after that when the smell of death and old burnt computers and asbestos lingered in the air. i will never forget that smell and i hope to never smell it again.

27 August 2010

bricks.blocks.brokes.

well, not quite broken writer blocks, but i'm beginning to see the cracks in the foundation in the brick wall currently residing in my brain. phew.........

i realize a lot of my creativity is currently being usurped by developing different aspects of the (hopefully) ongoing anti-oppression series i've been involved with as of late. these epic marathon meetings remind me of stuff my mom used to drag me to when i was little and bored. always running to find a corner to hide in or a desk to crawl under and read a book. always reading a book. tonight's meeting? 4.5 hours. newaze....

this past week has been pretty jam packed full of bloggie 2.0 collisions. started with the mission icons in a time of change exhibit over at the levis workshop. ran into my buddy dean and made him my "plus one" cause his roommate, my original "plus one" was like whatevers, later.

so we stuck around and had a randomly fun evening. the kind that are best found in SF, but do exist, to a certain extent, in nyc.



which turned into

4 faces of dean

which eventually turned into

Black, grey & red all over

and DEN it lead to this:


and then we made plans to do this.

so... yah! super fun meeting you rio! finally the sanfranciverse collided in awesome ways. yet again.

the CTX + ms. grosa con a huge directing dash of rio coming soon to a bloggie flickr page near you.

and for now. that. is. all.
kthx.

c/s,
CTX

19 August 2010

.....

have had the absolute worst writer's block lately. i have a zillion things floating around in my brain, per usual, but nothing wants to escape. it kinda sucks. ok, it kinda really sucks.

see, there goes an example of it right there.

so yes, silted in the brain, hopefully not forever.

kthx.

c/s,
ctx.

29 June 2010

summer suns

as i've been spending a lot of time away from the introspection that i normally tend to delve into when left alone with my thoughts (a dangerous pastime...i know), i haven't been posting as much lately.

but apparently i've accumulated some time watching the sun set.

sometimes i'm alone.

White buttery sunset

sometimes i'm with a special someone.

Saturday sunset

sometimes i'm with lots of special someones.

The HMB bike posse

and yes, it's cold in california here in the summertime. sometimes.

Fun in the sun & sand

sometimes it's not cold and the sun is a blaze of fiery orange as it fades into the ocean, continuing to race its way across the globe in the way it has been for as long as the earth has been turning upon its axis.

Butter sunset 3

the sun helps calm me down and put things into perspective. perhaps this is why i'm fascinated with it. and why not? constant and steady. these are things that i like right now, and will like for the foreseeable future.

that is all. for now. i hope all is well.

05 May 2010

"dime si te causo una revolución"

at work i listen to a variety of internet radio, with kcrw being a daily check in. last week julieta venegas showed up to do a performance, and i was all about it.

as i'm going to see her tonight in oakland, i thought i'd share the video of that performance.



also, it's adorable that she drank the califas water that has suddenly caused a lot of people to come down with a case of the behbehs. at least she's reading books like "my mother wears combat boots." QFC.

03 May 2010

really really?

seriously, this arizona stuff has gotten way out of hand. being from a state that everyone puts through the shitter, i do have some sympathy for the people of arizona, but my goodness...the change which you guys have tried to put into effect within the past two weeks has been pretty fucking amazing.

wow. just wow.

it's so ridiculous i don't even want to really comment on it. so i'll post some more uke love from my favorite chilean valley girl, pilar diaz, who has some thoughts on this subject matter.

this is her new video for "ilegal en estyle." the song is a probably a couple of years old by now, but definitely very timely for the silly (illegal) nonsense that is going on in arizona.


Ilegal En Estyle

Yo no cruzo la frontera con mis tenis marca brinca me llevan al norte
En avión sin bigotes en tur bus, no a pata
No correr
No correr

Ilegal En Estyle

Aunque sea una persona de ultima moda
La gente me persigue por otra cosa,
Nado en la piscina, no en el río
Es un frío y todo lo que es tuyo, es mío
Lo que es tuyo, es mío
Lo que es tuyo, es mío
Lo que es mío, es tuyo

Otra realidad, ser un ilegal

um, did yall see that calaca on the back of her ride? raaaaad! and yah, so is the song.

hearts y halos y todo y erreting.

BVPV

29 April 2010

ukelele love

y'all know i love the uke. here's a cute video with a red shaped ukulele. waaaaaat? so cute!



cross posted at neattastic

22 April 2010

"i want to scratch you when you've got an itch..."

Now playing: Girl In A Coma - I'll Ask Him
via FoxyTunes

----------------
Now playing: Girl In A Coma - El Monte
via FoxyTunes


i'm constantly surprised and utterly delighted.
you show me, "it could all be so simple."
the water was ready,
and the water was hot.
i guess i really am a simple girl, am i not?

i continue to melt, daily.
gathering into a sweet clear pool on the ground.
i move and i change,
the water inside unfailingly growing and swelling
in the slight humid breeze the day-to-day brings.

i remain lassoed in by that one look,
that one day months ago in the early morning sun.
those infamously adorable crinkles illuminated
not by its rays,
but by the light from yours.

you continue to challenge me in ways
i thought were forever closed.
and instead now i find myself
awake
and wanting
"to scratch you when you've got an itch."

29 March 2010

mashin' it up!

JV + B&F = radness.

a lil' rad quirky musical cacophony, all while keeping the thread of puro mexicano sound in the background? yes plz.

ssssheck it out. "el presente es el único que tenemos..."



did i mention i'm going to see JV - B&F = OAK? um, yah. it'll (still) be the radness.

20 March 2010

down in the texas of my heart.../...wont you be an outlaw for my love?

drivin' a really big truck
headed down a dirt road
my love is scrunchin' up its features
really big eyes
big lips
big nose

just show me a moment that is mine
its beauty blinding and unsurpassed
make me forget every moment that went by
and left me so half-hearted
cuz i felt it so half-assed




i think i've said before a few times how i sometimes cannot think in my own words if a lot of things are swimming around me like sharks. so sometimes i can better get to the bottom of them if some songs are around.

i had my headphones plugged in to meet up with a bikey chica tonight, and gaaaaaaadammn. things were clickin into place. and that was just cause of a few ani songs/alex chilton passing away.

now i feel its necessary to split my thoughts because i don't really know why i'm thinking of both of these songs at the same time. these feeling things don't always make a lot of sense, ya know?

ani:

ani reminds me of college, because that's when the CEBFF and i met and discovered her together. we followed her up and down the east coast & saw some really great shows together.

when life happened and an incident occurred where the CEBFF and i were abruptly no longer BFF [sad face], ani became like a horrible disgusting blistering sunburned wart that would bubble whenever heard. no thanks, i would say.

however, i knew i wasn't being true to myself because, for all the whatever memories, ani is still a fantastic songwriter, and i'm so glad to have seen her when i was 18-2x (x only cause i no memeber the last time i saw her. me thinks 23?)

in particular, i remember the first time i saw her in central park. and she brought tears to my eyes as the sun was fading around the horizon rushing to the west coast. i looked up, saw the stars start to sparkle on the perfectly degreed and clear summer evening while a tear fell down my cheek. this woman and her music moved me so much, i was hooked.

one day recently i revisited her newer songs. my thoughts were, "hmmmmmmmm, if i liked her back when i was younger, chances are strong i will still like ani for her songwriting again..." and yah, i was right.

and between ani the younger and ani the latter comes alex chilton.

alex chilton:

so...alex chiton passed away a couple of days ago. and ever since, this is what i've had in my head:

("how about a cover? how about a cover of a big star song? yah!" -- this is how the live version goes)



back nearly a decade, and certainly a lifetime, ago, the above version of elliott smith's cover of thirteen was our song.

"wont you tell yr dad, get off my back/
tell him what we said about paint it black/
rock & roll is here to stay/...
... wont you tell me what yr thinking of... would you be an outlaw for my love...?"

those last two lines have haunted me more than any other two lines in song lyrics that i have heard so far with my own ears. those two lines, for us, me and the redacted, meant so so so much.

the redacted told me once way in the beginning of all we would be facing, all that shit we would have to put up with from families and from other people. and were we sure we were going to do this? we held hands, swallowed hard and jumped off the cliff together. outlaws indeed.

and now the redacted is gone, and that is ok.
and now alex chilton is gone, and that is ok.

and i just needed to say this. and that is ok.

the connection between ani and alex? i guess just stringing together new memories from older painful times. and new memories are all i care to concentrate on at the moment. being around other positive people, creating more and new positive times.

R.I.P. alex chilton. thank you for bringing your music into the world. thank you for influencing a generation of indie rockers that have carried on your legacy.

and i suppose it's fitting to put those other memories to rest and have them reside in the past where they belong. may they too rest in peace.

28 February 2010

birthdaze and things

this past week was my birthday. i haven't celebrated my birthday in two years. these years are the lost years that i hope to never repeat (actions-wise), but they do hold a well of learning lessons to continually draw from.

as such, this year, now that i feel like more of a functioning member of society again, i decided it was ok to talk about it and mention that yah, i like birthdays. let's celebrate.

my family is full of february babies. i think there's nearly 10 people in the course of 8 days that have birthdays. the mama texican, her twin, my cousin, my aunt, three cousins and myself and another cousin, the co-bro. phew.

a cute aside, the mama texican's bday is 7 days before mine. every year she says i was her favorite birthday present. i will never tire of hearing that. :)

here are the co-bro and i acting our shoe size, not our ages... 364 days and 2000 miles can't separate the silliness that connects us no matter where we are in the world.

364 days

thanks to meli and the bikey blog girl crew, they surprised the hell out of me on thursday night. i was very touched. thanks guys! :)

one thing i appreciate getting easier with each notch on the odometer is that one anniversary i thought would be inextricably linked to that day is getting less and less so. i guess i'm still processing over that, and thus so a myriad of song lyrics flooded my head, as is wont to do when i have trouble articulating precise thoughts. which happens often since i think i tend to feel feelings and not apply logic to them because, really, there's no point. does not compute.

anyway, i'll share just a few of those lyrics that have been in the rainy day mix that describe what i was thinking this past week:

and all i find are souvenirs from better times
before the gleam
of your taillights heading east
to find yourself a better life.
...when i stumbled upon pictures i tried to forget
and that's how this idea was drilled into my head
cause it's too important to stay the way its been
there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
and now that's it's gone
it's like it wasn't there at all
and here i rest where
disappointment and regret
collide.
lying awake at night."

-- title and registration, death cab for cutie

the "picture i stumbled upon" was a piece of writing as it were. i'll share just a bit:

i know i'm not alone in saying i'm so over this winter. i have to remind myself why i'm on this coast right now. i'm not sure if i can, but i close my eyes and admit i have one romantic winter antecdote.
...
so we just walk around (the village) holding hands cause we're cold and cause we can. then we stumble on many many an italian restaurant (and one southwestern joint) and decide on a little teeny italian place with a little gay boy couple in it. we order a mini bottle of spanish wine, eat amazing veggie italian and then leave quite a bit later. we make our way to magnolia bakery and get some birthday cupcakes. i was nicely surprised that they have candles there too! so we kiss in the bakery and [REDACTED] whispers, "happy birthday baby" in my ear. the bakery is a nice hideout from the cold; it's warmed by the ovens which fogs up the windows. so it's a little sexy being in there where it's warm, humid and surrounded by all the sweets. we bounce outside and kiss again, forgetting the temp is in the 20s. we catch a cab on a cobblestone street and snuggle while we race over the brooklyn bridge towards our apt. when a night like that happens, it's just magical to be in the city. corny? yes. but if you're in love, who's cares?

it's now more than 7 years later. those 5 years worth of anniversaries are on the east coast where they belong. i can look back and think about the good times and not have it necessarily be as emotionally taxing as it once was. thank god.

took a long time, but i'm glad it's here. it'll only get easier i suspect. as these things tend to turn out...

now on the west coast, there are no more snow filled februraries. instead, the sun is shining through my window, a natural alarm clock if i've ever had one. i'm wearing a tshirt waiting for friends to take a jog in one of the most beautiful city parks i've ever stepped foot in. life right now is good. and i'm so happy. if i could hug life, i think i would. since i can't, i'll just hug people instead cause it's fun being hugged back. ;)

08 February 2010

the third musketeer!

a few posts ago i told the love i have of my brother from another mutha, mr. tuna. well, this one, fernie flowers, is the third member in our musketeer crew.

fernie flowers

he came to town not that long ago. we hung out in hayes valley and just watched the world go by as i sipped some cawfee. observed some african beats while an old man offered his coat to his female companion. saw little girls kicking a soccer ball around, saw dogsdogsdogs and lots of smiles.

fernie and me

we walked around, got a bike light for me and then we passed by the place that tuna, fernie and i first worked together during law school. i don't have that pic, but fernie does.

i miss those guys and am happy they can come to visit every now and then! (more nows please, kthx.)

so thanks for all the good times and memories you two baboons. can't wait to make some more :)

30 January 2010

don't cry for me....bobertinahhhh

awhile ago i fell hard and fast for someone who fell hard and fast for me. we were attached at the hip for a few months, and i knew it was going way too fast to have any chance of sustaining this furious pace. when we parted, it broke my heart in a zillion little pieces.

A Calculating Catterpillar

why do i talk about this now? well, bobertina, as he has been recently coined, was OBSESSED with pinball machines and 80s arcades. he had a few in his house and was constantly tinkering around with them trying to make them work.

1 comic

the other day i went to a bar with punchy. i was, for some reason, mesmerized with this spiderman pinball machine.

spidey pinball machine

it was pretty trippy.

spidey pinball machine

spidey pinball machine

spidey pinball machine

i would have been able to stare at it for hours, but i felt i was being rude to punchy. so i didn't.

and the growing part for me, was that i didn't make the bobertina connection until after i got home. but i do think i wouldn't be true to myself had i not at least acknowledged the connection.

but seriously, those lights are trippppy and fascinating.

24 January 2010

pizza making with lady bee

on MLK day i went over to my friend, lady bee's house. we looked over some work stuff, social justice work is never done. talked about it a bit, then noticed rumblerumble in our tummies.

she had had a pizza making party i couldn't attend, but she had some leftover dough. i brought some garlic, spinach and mushrooms. she had carmelized onion, roasted red pepper and artichoke hearts. nomnommy.

pizzahhh. homemade. nomnomnom.
pizzahhh. homemade.

dough re miiiiiiii
dough re miiiiiiii

tortillas? not quite.
tortillas? not quite.

slapslapslap it out
slapslapslap it out

almost nomnommy time
almost nomnommy time

pizza flats
pizza flats

saucy
saucy

veggie pizzas.
veggie pizzas

byebye. see you soon.
byebye. see you soon.

peel the pizza
peel the pizza

it's ready. it's perfect.
it's ready. it's perfect.

it was pretty yummy. i also don't normally drink soda, but lady bee said that soda and pizza is a good new york thing (lady bee was born and raised in nyc). i like beer with my pizza, but it was way too early for such things.

to good food making times with friends. one of my favorite things to do. :)

20 January 2010

my brother from another mother

tuna looney tunes was in SF for a few hours and graced us with his rare presence.

i miss him. i've known him since 2004. we've been pretty good buddies ever since :)

we've both got boos, we both live in other places, and i guess these things take up a lot of our time. but every time we get together, we can get as serious and talk about racial politics in california or issues in the law or how to take the bar OR we can get as silly and ridiculous as we both possibly can in front of another person.

he's got quite a way with words, even if english escapes him sometimes and he pulls out a crowd favorite quote: oh, please excuse me, english is my second language.

so, here's to my lil' bro from anotha mutha. a sequence from our short evening together with lady b. one quote of the year so far was: "how many times have we gotten drunk together? a lot, huh?"


Valen-huh?
oh hai, we're looking at something in the distance.

SVN hooligans
oh hai, i'm looking at shadows. tuna says, huh?

Me, Tee y Bee
lady b is like, enough already. gnight fooooos.

and with that, i must say good night. love you toones y lady bee! wheeee :)

18 January 2010

3 years in 3 minutes

through a friend and former classmate i've joined forces with a group of 4 (now 5) who are facilitating a series of workshops regarding anti-racist/anti-oppression. the group prior to me comprised of 4 guys. i'm the only female and the only latin@. i joined them because i thought that voice was missing and was needed for this group to have credibility. they agree, obviously, by asking me to be a part of it.

who is our audience? how did this group come about? the origins of this group stem from NLG, the national lawyer's guild. these few came together and devised this workshop for CLE credit for attorneys. given the success and positive feedback, they started thinking of tailoring this series for law students, namely students at boalt and at hastings for beginners.

today was our first meeting with just the 5 of us. the 2 times before i had met up with them, the first was to propose to boalt our outline for funding purposes. the 2nd time was to introduce ourselves to the boalt students and get familiar with the physical space we would be in for the 6 times we will meet.

tonight? well, it was pretty intense for all of us. we were modeling our first class, which is later this week, and we are starting off talking about our experiences in law school. giving our rather severe time constraint of less than one hour per session, we practiced timing ourselves. 3 minutes to talk about our experiences over three years.

yah, intense. i heard intense things from others. i, myself, cried in front of strangers, something i don't easily do. i said things in front of two white men i would never have said prior to this evening. while looking right at them too. i saw one of them get tears in his eyes, and lots of clearing throats and thanks for sharing.

what i had to say wasn't pretty, it wasn't comfortable, but i guess it was brimming right there and i blurted it out. i have no idea if i was coherent, but in a sense, i guess i was since i know i got my point (one of many) across.

and, i'm still thinking about it. i'm still emotional over it. but i have to just stop this here and say goodnight everyone. have a great night's sleep.

03 January 2010

two renegades in a photo booth


this was before christmas. sf regenade craft fair magnolia photo booth. fun with props. good thing the photos are in black and white. if it was in color, i think it would have exploded glitter and stickers.

02 January 2010

happy new year!!

almost time...

i'm more than ready to put the last decade behind me. i cannot wait to see what this one holds. if the past few months are any indication, i think it's going to be full of rich positive things. thank goodness.