05 December 2007

one chance

We have one chance.
One chance to get everything right.
We have one chance, one chance.
And if we're lucky we might.

My friends, my habits, my family,
they mean so much to me.
I just don't think that it's right.
I've seen so many ships sail in,
just to head back out again and go off sinking.

-- modest mouse, one chance

so, the calitexican woke up to some upsetting news this morning. as she grows older, having been away from her family for going on 11 years, she realizes how much she really misses them at times like these. in the past she thought she, the young texican, was so strong by herself on her journey to being the calitexican she is today. however, in retrospect, she realizes it's ok to need people, it's ok to depend on people, and it's definitely ok to let them know these things. there is only so much one person can do herself (which is quite a bit, i might add).

the calitexican was fortunate enough to spend some good quality time this past thanksgiving with two of her family members. making new happy memories is something the calitexican cherishes a lot. she knows that with the passing of life and the continuation of life, the family still keeps on beating, still keeps on breathing.

with respect to the verses posted up top, the CT doesn't necessarily think that one has to get things right the first time around. in fact, she is a firm believer in second chances. thus, there is a bit of conflicting song lyric interpretation going on in her head. she thinks that isaac means "one chance" at getting life right, but what does that really mean? doesn't life mean making mistakes, learning from the past and moving on? at least that's what this calitexican learned in the past decade of her life. she looks forward to learning more in the next decade, which is rapidly approaching.

she also thinks isaac means that the ships are people continually fucking up, finding they repeatedly have to go back out to sea. since he has some sort of ship theme in this album, perhaps he threw that image in there just for fun. she is going to rule out the possibility that he means humanity keeps fucking up in a larger sense because his past work proves he is very individualistic in nature.

the CT doesn't like to talk about this, but she had a tumultuous relationship with a certain family member. she keeps reminding herself that she made the right decision for her at the time. bottom line is she only hopes that said family member can possibly see her from whatever afterlife they may inhabit and finally know her reasoning for this.

she also feels the need to vocalize that she is trying to steer less ships back and forth herself. but from manning all these boats, in particular an especially mesmerizing one called self- destruction, she would not have learned what she needed to learn. she hopes to leave most of those boats in the past decade of her life. it was a ride...not fun, but unfortunately necessary. she left a lot of people out in the dark, midnight blue waters of its wake without a life preserver. now, she hopes to steer only a couple of boats at a time, and concentrate on the very few of which she is captain. and for those people she left treading water, she can only apologize profusely. more importantly, she knows not to forget those people's memories, or to take for granted their place in her life. she mustmustmust remember, and apply said memory to the next set of issues which life cuddles in the nook of her large elbow, just under her breast.

i guess she feels the need to post today. she did give me permission to say all of this, by the way. i think i'll end it here by paraphrasing something i heard her say in her graduation speech. take a look around you and be very grateful that that person is in your life. decide what that person means to you and let them know how you feel. there may be no tomorrow, so say it today.

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